All About Drew… =)

Matagal din akong lakad ng lakad,

Di naman alam kung ano ang hinahanap.

Sa isip ko’y maraming tanong,

Sa tenga ko’y maraming bumubulong.

_____

Ako’y lubhang litong-lito,

Sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko.

"Bakit ganun?"

…yan ang madalas kong tanong.

_____

Mga paa ko’y pagod na,

At di alam kung san na pupunta.

Marahil ito’y hudyat na..

..para umuwi na!

_____

Tara na… Uwian na…

Oras na para magpahinga.

Tahakin ang landas pabalik,

At huwag na ulet naising umalis!

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…I’M HOME AGAIN WITH MY FATHER UP THERE!  He is really faithful in my life and to the lives of His children.  Now i know that my life will never be the same again..changing from glory to glory!

"Value your decision.  It can MAKE or BREAK you.  Like any other individual, I failed a lot of times.  It was really a test of faith.  Good thing, I decided to move on, pick up those shattered pieces of my life and face the whole world again with courage that comes from past experiences and renewed strength." — COPYRIGHT 2006 by Drew Leyesa

After reading my message above, you might have an idea now on what I’ve been through or maybe, there was a time in your life that you’ve been on the same boat.  The BOAT of Ups and Downs.

Okay.  It was last quarter of year 2006 when I sent that message to everybody (especially Smart subs) through TEXT.  My battle was already over that time.  I consciously felt the blood of a victorious man rushing, flowing extremely inside all over my veins.  Whooo!!!  The feeling was so great.  As if I am the strongest person, Christian alive.  I love it.  Having that kind of feeling inside made me thought that any trials that would come on my way will just like eating a piece of cake — so easy, so simple and no challenge.  But I was wrong.

You know what?!  I am on the boat again.  My faith is currently on test again.  And to be honest, I’m afraid to start again.  But I am on the process.  Little by little.  One step at a time.  I’m exerting an effort doing it again & again…

Starting over is never easy.  Picking up the pieces after it seems your heart and life have fallen apart is one of the most difficult things to do.  Even though it’s difficult, we have no choice but to do it.

I’ve realized that sometimes the Lord allows us to be broken so that He can love us more.  Imagine, if all our lives are perfect, there would be nothing to restore and the sad possibility that there would be less room in our hearts for Him.  I have an ultimate goal in my live ever since.  That is: TO BE A BETTER PERSON EACH DAY OF MY LIFE — a better Christian along the way;  a person who has a genuine and sold out commitment;  a faith that makes the enemy tremble in fear;  and a heart that beats only for God and His people..(sigh!)

Sometimes up, sometimes down.  Back and forth like swing.  Inconsistent.  Fluctuating.  Frequently changing.

The yellow ribbon with words "FINISH LINE" written, is on the end of the road.  And I’m quite far from it.  Though I’m not running as fast as other people do, I know these small hops that I am doing right now still matters compared to not doing anything at all.  Yes, it will take time.  And in due time, I will be able to touch that yellow ribbon as a sign that I able to finish the race.

You…I expect to see you there!  Okay?!

The son leaves home, loses everything, goes hungry, and sets back for home, full of remorse, even ready to apply as a servant.  But the Father seeing him on the road runs quickly to him and gave him a breath-taking embrace — so tight!

Wow! <full of gladness>  Who gets tired of this parable?  We’ve heard it a hundred times.  Its every son’s or daughter’s story.  Our story…My story! <teary eyed>

I went to prayer mountain last night just to reflect, to take a rest and to be alone.  It was not the original plan.  I asked everybody to go with me but no one was available.  They were busy doing their own thing.  And because of the heavy rain, i decided to go there late afternoon.

When I was passing by the muddy foot of the mountain, i cant stop myself reminiscing some memories.  Like, going up there with friends and tribemates.  In short, mela mode.  Being alone is not an issue.  Its just that I’m not used to it.  Because the last time i went to prayer mountain ALONE was December of 2004, and that was 2years and 8months ago.  Imagine that!

Things are really different now.  Before, I’m always ready with my LIST of prayer concerns and everything that i need the night before my mountain experience.  But yesterday, I wasn’t!  No specific prayer concerns, no list!  I just went up there with an extra shirt, towel, bible, notebook, a bottle of mineral water and an umbrella inside my green bag.  And of course, myself and my HEART.  I went there wholeheartedly with nothing to expect at all. <I regret i did not bring my jacket because it’s so cold on top.>

Everything was fine until I saw myself crying while on top, facing other mountains.  I thought it was just tears of joy because the feeling is quite different and overwhelming once you’re on TOP.  But I was wrong.  I cant stop my tears from falling no matter how hard i try.  I let it flow.  My emotion was really running wild inside my heart.  And right that very moment, i started to talk to God.  I tell Him everything that is in my heart.  The feeling of guilt because I give up, the fear to lead again and a lot more.  The bottom line is, I asked for forgiveness.

And the moment that I’ve been waiting for happened.  The confidence of being loved by God.  The assurance.  For the past few weeks, i was struggling thinking if He is mad at me because of my decision.  But through the parable that i used as an introduction for this blog, He answered the questions that bothered me for quite some time.  Now, i am confident to say that God STILL loves me!

Yes, i am a prodigal son…with a loving Father who’s always ready to lift me up from the dust and knows when to give me a warm hug especially during cold nights.  He showed me and made me understand that i will NEVER ever fathom & measure the love He has for me, for each one of us.  Nothing can separate us from His love.  His love is actually giving me the strength right now to start again one step at a time.

Someone is loving me unconditionally!

And i want you to know that Someone is loving YOU unconditionally too!

Praise the One up there.

Nowadays, we have this "men-don’t-cry" culture to show macho effect to the whole world.  I disagree.  Because i don’t get the point of hiding your real feelings inside just for the sake of the said culture.

Okay.  You might think that i sound biased here now, but thats my point of view.  If im hurt and feel like crying, i cry.  If im happy and feel like crying, i cry.  I dont care what people say.  Thats me!  Period.

If you’ll let other things such as culture control your life like the way you react, the way you feel…you will never maximize your stay here on earth.  Plus, you’re hiding the real you — and that’s very exhausting thing to do.

Come on…remove that mask and show the real you.  A person without pretention.  Follow your heart and guard it at the same time.  Proverbs 4:23.

Think it over:  You dont have to worry about what people will gonna tell…coz its always between you & God.

YOU and GOD — that’s what matters!

29 November1984.  I was born.

6 April1997.  I was circumcised.

14 February1998.  I had my first girlfriend. It lasted only for a month. Reason: we were both immature that time. (hi jennifer..hope to see you soon!)

30 August2000.  Julie Anne became part of my life. It was a serious relationship, lasted for almost a year. We’re good friends now.

18 November2002.  Official anniversary of BERKS — my college friends. Celebrating the gift of friendship!

28 March2003.  I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. Lemery, Batangas. Youth Camp. It was the turning point of my life.

4&5 July2003.  My 1st Encounter God Retreat @ GMA Cavite. Another humbling experience.

8-10 August2003.  Harvest event @ Masagana Mall. Heaven’s Gate, Hell’s Flame. Im part of the Theater Team, one of the actors/ministers. My biological father watched it on the third day but he didnt finish the preaching.. =(

February2004.  I was pasaway mode the whole month.

April2004.  Leadership Transition. From Tatay Albert’s leadership, I was transferred to Tatay Franz.

25-30 October2004.  1st time in Baguio. I went there together w/ PUPJM officers for Jesus Revolution.

17 April2005.  Mission Exposure 2005. I was one of the missionaries sent by Doulos to help churches in Samar about G12 transition. We stayed there for almost a month. I was assigned in Cabatuan, Western Samar. It was a life changing experience as well.

1 May2005.  1st time to preach in the whole congregation (sunday service) @ Western Samar.

6 May2005.  Last day of my college life. Graduation Day. (i was not able to attend my final day because i was at mission..but there’s no single regret at all.)

6 October2005.  My 1st work after i graduated in college. Company: Smart Telecommunication as CSR.

6 March2006.  1st day of training @ West Contact. I resigned after one year (march2007).

29April-01May 2006.  1st time to join Men’s & Women’s Camp @ Sierra Madre.

November2006.  I did not go to church the whole month. I was badly discouraged.

29&30 December2006.  My 2nd time to attend EGR. It was a personal decision. I need a big momentum to go back on track again.

23-24 February2007.  RE-encounter God Retreat @ Bethel.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>

you do your devotions night and day.  reading bible is part of your system already.  you are always being amaze by the passages and verses.  so, let me ask you this: who is your favorite bible character?  for sure you have one.

actually, there are lots of people on the bible who really stand out and keep on inspiring us until now.

like Timothy.  he is one of my favorite!  i admire the way he lived his life.  he played a big role on Paul’s life too.  [remember the story?]

you…do you have Timothy / Timothies in your life right now?

me, i have lots of friends, but i want to know who are Timothies among them — people who have integrity, who can be trusted, and will stand by me through anything.  like what Timothy did to Paul.  i admire their honest and transparent relationship.  no judgments.  no prejudices.

in this world that is full of judgments, it is a big encouragement to know that there are people who will support you and will always believe in you all through out the day.

so let us challenge ourselves in two things:

(1.)  FIND TIMOTHY in your life

(2.)  and BE TIMOTHY in other people’s lives.

At the age of 22, I’ve gone through most kinds of "wounds."

You know what?  Bring me anyone w/ a heavy load in life and chances are, i would understand him or her as if listening to my own story retold.  Been there.  Done that.  That is why, instead of a quick judgement, i cry w/ them.  I embrace them.  Because i feel the pain too.

My pain and sufferings are NOTHING compared to what Jesus went through.  Tested.  Betrayed.  Abandoned.  Humiliated.  Crucified.

To think that He is God.  He could have stopped all these.  But He didn’t.  Ask me why?  Because He wants to heal you.  He wants to heal me.  He wants to heal each one of us.  And be the first One to feel the pain of what you’re going through.

I know He knows..coz He’s been there.

And the good news?  He was and is victorious — so that we too can RISE again!

Tell it to Him.  He will understand.  *wink*

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Lord,

You know my inner wounds.  Let me bare them all to You and trust that You will understand and heal me.

In Jesus’ name, Amen!  =)

Desperate.  The only word i know that would describe me at this point of my life.

That’s exactly how i feel right now.

Desperate to win all the battles im facing, left and right.

Im weak.

Too weak to be strong.

But i wanna be strong.

Because i need to be strong…thats all i know!

Im tired of being weak, over and over again.

I hate myself!

I know — "Your grace is sufficient and Your power is made perfect in my weakness."

But this feeling is killing me right now.

I keep on renewing my mind.  Trying to be optimistic.

I said, "im strong."  Because You are my strength.

Im an overcomer.  Because thats the spirit You gave.

But in the end, im still depressed.

Waaah… Rough roads!

I know it has purpose.  It will shape me to be a better Drew.

The one i admire…the stronger one!

Loads are too heavy.

I failed…and still failing.

Asking myself, "What went wrong?"

What if i quit and accept that im just a starter?

Waaah… now You know im really desperate.

Humble me in this situation.  Restore me.  Help me not to hate myself.  Help me not to see all my failures. Help me.

I love You…You know that.  And that love is the reason why im hanging on.  Hug me again.  And wipe my tears away.

Nang makilala ko si Kristo,

Buhay ko’y nagbago.

Ako na dati’y isang loko-loko,

Ngayo’y isa nang maginoo.

____________________________

Marami ang nagulat,

Sa ginawa kong pagsisiwalat.

Ang iba’y masayang nagpugay,

Ngunit meron din namang nagtaas ng kilay.

____________________________

"Sira ulo daw ba ako?"

Yan ang tanong ng pamilya ko.

Sagot ko’y, "Siguro…

…kung yan ang sa palagay nyo."

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Marami pa akong naging desisyon,

Na ilan sa mga kaibigan ko’y hindi sumang-ayon.

Tulad na lang ng di ko pag-attend ng graduation,

Sapagkat ako’y nasa Samar at doon ay nagmi-mission.

____________________________

Hindi ko maintindihan,

Kung bakit hindi nila maintindihan.

"Ako’y hindi nagpalit ng relihiyon…

…kundi nagkaron lang nang mas malalim na relasyon."

____________________________

Relasyon at hindi relihiyon,

Yan ang nais ng Panginoon.

"Kamusta ang inyong relasyon?"

Yan naman ang aking tanong.

____________________________

Kung ang pagsunod kay Kristo,

Ay pagiging sira ulo.

Hayaan mong isigaw ko sa buong mundo,

"Sira ulo ako, ako ay sira ulo!"

____________________________

Sa karamihan,

Marahil ito’y isang malaking kalokohan.

Sa akin naman,

Ito’y isang desisyon na kaylan may hindi ko pagsisisihan!

"Oo…sira ulo ako,

ganyan talaga kaming mga Kristyano!"

MESSAGE:

stay crazy for Jesus everyone. till the end… =)

endure any form of hardships /slash/ persecution.

God bless.

for some people, making excuses has become a habit [i mean, a BAD habit!].  during my elementary days as i recall, i was once noted by my teacher as "Mr. Excuse" [ouch! it hurts.. =( ].  no need to explain the reason why coz its quite obvious already right?

i loved making excuses like, "im not feeling well ma’am" especially everytime my teacher wants me to be in charge on something [haha..naughty kid!].

naahhh!!! me…in charge on something? meaning, responsibility? — "yuckkk! i hate it.  plus, whats the use of my ‘free will’ if you will force me to do-this and do-that?  i believe that i have all the right to say "NO" if i dont want to do something and vice versa."  [see how immature i was that time? that was the way i reason out--very strong.]  now you know the main reason why instead of arguing my teacher, i choose to make and make and make unending excuses, i dont like the word responsibility, as simple as that, period.

BUT now, im not the naughty 7 or 8year-old kid, noted as "Mr.Excuse" anymore who hates responsibilities.  things and perspective changed as i grew up [thank you Lord =) ].

i learned that if i really want to make a difference in this world called earth:

* i need to abandon the practice of making excuses & blaming other people.

* i must be responsible enough for my actions & inactions.

* own my failures & make them work for me by learning the lessons they teach.  then, i will be a stronger, wiser, healthier person — a capable and respected voice in the world.

responsibilities are opportunities to grow, learn new things and unleash the abilities hiding inside.  =)